Often, I ponder the me of the past and the me of the present. I am continually
overwhelmed at the goodness of God, and I hope you do that also.
Not even Martha, after those 64 years of marriage, ever totally could perceive of my
crazy inferiority complexes and insecurities of my early years – which would often
show up even in later years. For example, I was 33 years of age when I began studies
at Vanderbilt. The opening day on campus I walked into the library to take a look
around and was so taken aback by the vastness of the card catalogue, that I could
not even walk up to a librarian to ask a question. I was afraid my total stupidity
would show up. I had to go outside and walk around awhile to pick up the courage
to go back and ask some questions.
I was petrified going into crowds where I knew no one or almost no one.
Through all those years, I found that insecurity and feelings of inferiority are not
Godly, but an inordinate focus on self. I found that kindness to those around me,
genuine interest in them, God interest in them outweighed any godless self-focus.
That’s why I enjoy remembering the time when the transvestite visited the Saturday
evening assembly, and God rose up inside me with love for him as I walked over to
express my great joy to welcome him to Belmont Church.
I am astonished amazed awed grateful for the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
Let’s keep turning our hearts to God and live out that Jesus-focused, Holy Spirit
empowered life with family, friends, and casual acquaintances, and let God take over
and do with it what He will.